♥time does heal wounds but eventually leave scar in your heart.

18 June 2011 { 00:56 }

hello people. wow i just found out few "stalkers" of my blog HAHAHA. reb, cj, huili, edwin. thanks man.

ahhhhh, reb found out this lil secret of mine (i meant the blog). oh well. nvm, she'll know sooner or later. well, its great that you read, cause i've no idea how long have i been struggling with myself whether to say or not. bcos i found it weird to say it out. yeah, so glad that you know. but well, one thing about this... please, like seriously, keep it among yourselves. i dont want this whole matter to be spread among the other leaders and stuff. i'd feel, kinda condemn in a way or another. darn. :( i mean like, please keep whatever you've read to yourself kay? just a small condition :/
anw... i just wanna say that... even though i know i might get into a r/s anytime (perhaps later in the year or sth?? dk, who knows when :O ), but it doesnt mean that i've lost my determination to serve God and continue impacting people's lives. i believe that God will bring me through all the ups and downs in life. i know i'm lacking in many areas, i'm very flawed in character, attitude, and sometimes even spiritual wise. but i want to learn, and slowly change. i believe God is moulding slowly throughout the years. i may get side-tracked for a while, but i wont want to leave this awesome path of life with God! because i know that ever since i knew Him, He has changed me, bit by bit, making me a slightly more postive person than i was 2years plus ago. He gave me the strength to carry on, no matter how tough things was. God also showed me that despite the fact that i was faithless, that i neglected Him somewhere somehow, He's still faithful being there for me. praise God for that! yeah. i dont wish that because of this, i wont get a chance to be a shepherd/leader to impact lives. cj, & reb, i hope that you guys will slowly guide me and teach me. i may be stubborn at times, we may not agree on certain things, we may have different viewpoints on a matter but still.. hmmm. i want to change my flaws, slowly and steadily. it may take months, or even years, to change one flaw, but i believe that with God, it will happen. yep.. mmm. well.

i'll try to post normally despite knowing there are actually humans reading my blog O_O its weird but yeah.

okay today! first had shepherding with reb @ 313 somerset. well, talked, found out sth shocking, then reflected. hahahah. then went home to put my sermon book, then went anchorpoint to meet huili laopohhhh!! :D my dear wifey.♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hahaha she's still as gong as ever! :P opps. hahahha. anw, did lil shopping at anchorpoint. huili bought like alot of stuffs. i bought nothing cause nothing seems nice. bleh! then, rushed to clementi mall to meet edwin!!♥♥♥♥♥♥ omg hahaha. otw there filled huili in with life! haha, okay its edwin who exposed my secret. kabish! stalker sia edwin tsktsk. anw, yeah. felt great to catch up with them! then, bought koi together. edwin first time buying koi by himself, and drank it once only (before this)! OMG SHOCKING EH. walk and walk, passed by comics connection about 4 times. saw my dear boyfriend (no, fiance actually) jonghyun!♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ awww honey! man, i meant the SHINee's MV la duh. hahaha jjong's hot, sexy and irresistable! :P opps! hahaha! anw.. went kfc for dinner (cant believe i'm eating it again ==). edwin still camera-shy!! )))))))))))))): oh well. nvm. after that edwin went home to prepare to go genting (OMG EDWIN I'M ENVIOUS :( NEVER BRING US GO!!!!!!), while me and huili went dhoby. actually i went there just to buy combs. but ohwell! hahah! saw weiling there too. omg hahaha! she this woman, so cool man! (: i like her lots! admire her too man! hahahha :) anw, then trained to clarke quay! bought stickys, saw hello kitty (actually huili wanna see. ROFLMAO!) hahhahaa! yeah, then sat by the river chatting and camwhoring! :) she said it felt like a date between couples. HAHAHHA! aww. :) anw, had a great time chatting with her. thank God for placing me in her life just to listen to her! (: i may not be much of a help, but i'm glad i can be her listening ear.
*rmb this: when someone shares something with you, be it a problem, or just their life, dont interrupt them with all the comments and solutions, or lecture them. instead, just listen. because about 99% of the time, people are seeking for listening ears, not lecturers/advisors who tell them what they should do. when they want advices, they will ask sth like, "what to do? what do you think i should do?". if not, just SHUT UP and LISTEN. at least that applies for me. thats why i dont share much with people whom, whenever i share something to them, they throw me back with one whole chunk of advices, comments, criticism, lectures when all i want is them to listen to me. this reminds me of me and cherynn last time. hahaha! when all she want me is to account to her (or rather tell her stuffs like about my life la), i dont. then finally one day, i told her why. hahahha! bcos she always lecture me off with the dos and donts or bring out a verse from the Bible. i mean, i do appreciate that. but sometimes all i want is just as friends, you listen to me and dont say anything unless i ask you like, what do you think i should do. or else i wont really share stuffs with you again. like, if you think i'm wrong, voice it out AFTER i've finished, at least ask for my opinion. you cant expect everyone else to think the same as you. for example, you may not agree with bgr at this age, but i think that as long as the passion for serving God is there, dont die off, and God's kingdom is priority, i think its fine. you cant force me to change my thoughts to yours. dont they encourage your own opinions on a matter too (in church, for improvements ^^)? like we're not puppets yeah? :o eh, wait i sound weird. hahahaha! one great thing about yw! and eugenia, weiling too sometimes. :) oh well. hahah! oh well!! i LOVE♥ good listeners.
okay sorry i side-tracked. anw, huili laopoh, always rmb that no matter what happens, if you need someone to talk to, i'll be there. i understand that you've limited sms. so just leave me a text alright? i'll try to be online asap so that we can fb chat. or even skype! haha! iloveyou my dear girl!♥ really honoured to have you as a closefriend. (: hopefully this friendship can maintain. yeah. thank God for you in my life too. (:

oh well. hehehe. cherish huili and edwin (the f/s between us) alot! hahah! :) known edwin for NINE YEARS! my closest guy friend and i'm proud of it! hahahah! :D thank God for edwin for bringing joy to the ppl around him hehehe. i rmb whenever i'm in a bad mood, he'll be like, make sth funny out of sth till i found no reason to be angry anymore and i'd just laugh like nobody's business! hahaha! huili also!♥ though i only knew her since sec3, but thank God that we survived through the "arguement" during sec3, and got closer in sec4 end of year due to some stuffs. :) meet up again soon okay? :D loves!♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

okay. its 2.36am and i'm not asleep. thanks to this post. hahaha!

hmmm. this dilemma. between the devil and the deep blue sea (both side also die one).
actually later on in the evening, supposed to have service and prayer meet. but, wj bought and paid concert tickets for both of us with his sec school friends (i think its like choir concert). i do want to go for the concert (its choir for goodness sake!!!!!) and also, like. need to have a good talk with sotong after all that happened. like spend some time together, talking properly, like you know w/o arguing and stuffs. HOWEVER, there's service (on top of that there's prayer meet!!!). i also do want to go for service. praise, worship and sermon. sermon is one of the things that you cant miss out on! worship too, refreshes, renew, recharge, and rest. sigh. at this point of time i wish that i've a clone, so that i can be at two places at the same time. (oh, harry potter the time turner thingy. hahaha.) sigh! if things were only that easy that i could shift the meetup to another day. thing is, sotong cant get out of house (his parents strict ya'know). argh crap. i feel damn bad for not going for the concert cause firstly he paid for it, and 2ndly, like very pangseh! (that feeling sucks alright; hence dont treat others like that when you dont wanna be treated this way!! D: ). but you know like, service is important too. and the prayer meet, i suppose its about the new building and stuff (hopefully their paint and all dried, or not i wont be able to survive there; i'll vomit when i smell too much of paint. zzz.). cant i just make a way out of this? mmm. if i dont go, i waste a ticket, and a day to perhaps get things settled, talk things out, catch up together, and perhaps this matter will have to drag till maybe even after school reopen. but if i go, i'd be skipping service, missing out on sermon (though i do do my qt). oh crap. == so? get things settled once and for all, and catch up. or drag the matter and.... actually was thinking of having dinner together with sotong. mmm, but i planned dinner for the group. == ahhhhhhhhhh! both side also die. i wish i wont wake up till sunday man. seriously!!!

okay shall go offline alr. gotta do qt and sleep. sigh, headache sia. == and my muscle aches are still there!! it gets worse every time i wake up from sleep. later tmr i wake up muscle pain till i cant go for concert and service. HAHAHHA. best solution ever man, like seriously. ._. bye nights.♥

PS. damn, its not that i dont care about you. seriously! ._. i do care. but sometimes, somehow, try to put yourself in my shoes and think abit? :/ and, you very contradicting leh. you tell me go church, then after that say you really wanna spend some time talking to me (like me talking properly, instead of arguing). its not like i dont wanna spend some time talking to you properly, settle some things, and enjoy the time spent together, catching up. but... sigh! you're upset, and yet i can do nothing about it. helpless man. sigh. this feeling sucks. and no, no need advices for now, to others who're reading this blog. so difficult to be a human being. woof.